daadeedum

it's been such a long time. days are routined now with work from monday to friday or saturday on alternate weeks. it's already 9.5 months. no words can emphasize how fast time flies past. weekends are spent lazing around at home or perhaps out for dinner. this routine is neither good nor bad but somehow i guess it's just lacking a little socialising with me being mostly alone in hong kong. today is one of those days when i have so much things that i feel like saying but there isn't anyone to listen. i don't know what is bothering me. i lack of a direction in life. sometimes i think of going back to singapore but yet at the same time i don't feel like giving up what i have in hong kong currently. it just seems like i am always stuck in an internal struggle. sometimes i know what i want to do but i am just too lazy to step out to achieve it. everyone else around seems to be fighting for their careers but i am still unsure of what i want to do. people around are advancing to the next stage of their lives and i have not even started. i feel like a young naive innocent girl even though i am already 25. i dread to age. i feel afraid when i see old people around because i know i will be like them soon. it's already end of may in a blink of eye. it seems like it was just a while ago when it was christmas. i really really really dislike how fast time flies.

it is over. a pity it never worked out.

just killed myself again. rahhhhh!

lived in a dream land for 10 weeks. it's time to wake up. never wanted something so much before.

maybe all the while i was just thinking too much.

i had something to look forward to when i left singapore during the previous two trips but not for this time anymore. for the first time i am dreading leaving here.

emo week. i hope time will stop. i want to go back to primary school times.

oh well oh well. it's the end of 2011 already. ): i always never liked having to write this overview because it means i've aged another year. my next birthday would mean i'm turning quarter-of-a-century old soon.

this is my 11th time writing this. wow ! i started blogging in late 2001 and it's been 10 years since. it's good that it can serve as a log book of memories when i read through all the entries again in future. speaking of which i should find out soon how to download all my history and keep them safe on my hard disk just in case the livejournal server breaks down and wipe out everything.

2011 has been a year of big change but yet still feels similar to me like past years. i've graduated, travelled, moved to hong kong, started working and ... yeye left us. ):

the 4 year course in nus came to an end. i sailed through pretty smoothly without much effort. i scrapped through everything, graduating with all the knowledge returned to the professors. that's the problem with me. [: i don't aim high, i don't have an aim, i'm just floating around with the flow. having a 1.5 day week and only 2 papers to sit for made the semester even more slack. free days were spent dealing with my online business or catching up with the tvb dramas. sometimes i just hate myself for not being one who will read up on news or study more to upgrade myself. i can spend hours surfing bag forums, stalking facebook, reading fashion blogs and all other things except for academics. still can't believe how i fucking sailed through everything without ever failing in university.

my official last day of school was on 30th april. i decided to tag along the climbers for a random dinner instead of going for the usual family dinner just because of a certain person. sighs ): more about it later.

may and june was travelling time to hong kong, london and sacramento. aunt florence brought me around london for my graduation trip. and then i finally visited my aunt in the states after 10 years. the last time i went was in 2000. shopped like crazy there with all the branded goods being dirt cheap. many peers started working right after school ended but i'd a good holiday first.

bad news came about the night we got back to singapore. yeye was supposed to be on a 5 week long holiday to canada but it was just barely 5 days since he arrived and he got hospitalised. things just went downhill from there. everything was over within 2 weeks. it feels like a fucking dream ... the last time that i hugged and kissed him at the hospital bedside, the last pictures that we all took when he left us. that evening on 30th april was the last time i could have seen yeye. if only i chose to go for the usual family dinner instead of joining those random climbers. if only i decided to pull out and not waste that few hours loitering in orchard doing nothing. i can't even remember when's the last time i saw yeye. maybe during shangen's full month party. it's been 6 months since yeye left. i think of him so much more often whenever i feel alone here in hong kong. i didn't get my chance to take my graduation studio shoot with him like all the elder cousins did.

commencement was on the next day right after the funeral. i wasn't in the mood for it. moreover school wasn't that memorable for me.

flew one way to hong kong on 19th july. job search was a breeze *LOL* and i got an offer within two weeks in one of the top real estate companies. days fly past with little social life and two new colleagues. now i'm swimming my way to get into some management trainee program. work life is pretty relax and carefree with a good manager and partner.

i don't know how 2012 will be like. on one hand, i'm like fucking lazy and contented with my current no-prospect-double-income job and on the other, i know i shouldn't and can't stay put here. i want to look to have my own space but the property prices here are crazy and i don't even know if i'm really staying in hong kong for long.

friends drift apart, peers get married, people move on, i'm left alone. and tonight, i will go for the countdown again at the victoria harbour.

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last year's resolutions.

1) graduate safely. yeah lol

2) no more extravagant purchases. kind of

3) save up at least 50% of my pay. yes

4) start healthy living. did more running here

5) keep certain relationships ongoing. tried my best

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2012 resolutions.

1) be a better person and upgrade myself!

2) find a place to move out to ... or get back to singapore.

i almost forgot that this existed.